I had a friend once that had this amazing view of the sound and he told me that you get used to it and it has no effect anymore. That was good to know. I will never need to be jealous of anything. You just have to see new things a while and then move on and see something else. You don’t have to own it, You can borrow it and get just as much benefit out of it.

The best things in life really are free. Anyone can go see what I saw anytime. You just have to go to Soap Lake and there it is. forever and a day.

I have a big house but I moved our life into a small part of the big house. I do not like suburban sprawl. I put our bedroom in a the smallest room of the house. It is 7 feet by 20 feet long. We don’t need that much space. Ideally I would like a 10 by 10 every room. Even for two you only need that much space to live.?So 400 feet would be plenty big for everything.

What size do the interior designers say to make a conversation area. 10 by 10. They say that because that is the space that is most comfortable to talk to several people. I think four 10 by 10 buildings in a square with a courtyard would be a great way to live. I think I t would be fun to have to go outside to get to the kitchen or bathroom. You would need another shed if you had a child. Everyone could be in a small space that was perfect for thinking all time.

I am in my bedroom and it is too big. I don’t need this much space. My theory is that Americans live in too big of a house because they are used to it and it has the effect of making everyone alienated. In Europe the rooms are tiny the villages are tiny the streets are tiny the streets are one inch from the front doors of the small houses. You can walk down the street and look in the lace curtains of the house that is right there at the end of your nose and look in and see the tiny table and chairs. People stand next to each other there.

Even if you don’t know anyone in the tiny village you love them because you have seen where they live. It is super intimate.  I love those villages. I remember looking in the windows and thinking how I wish they were home to I could see them and talk to them. New York is a little better than here because of the stoops where people hang out. But in the wealthy neighborhoods you have gates. Keep out. America with the big lawn and yard in front and our big back yards with lots of privacy. We all have lots of cars to hide in too and lots of parking lots.

Give me a village any day. I want to see you.

photo from this person

A friend told me she was making barrettes for sale and was concerned that the more contemporary ones would be too wild for people. That made me think that I wish she would not water down herself for anyone. I am so excited to see the line of barrettes she has designed and I hope they are like nothing I have ever seen before. When she is designing for herself is when she is not diluted.

The danger of worrying about what someone will think about your creative work is the day it is wrecked. You will kill the thing that makes it unique and you will kill the gift. right there. right then. The secret is to do any creative effort just the way you like it. You are created unique and that is what your job is be Yourself. I want you not me. I want what you see, not me. I already know what I see, what I want is what you are.

If you do that, A. you will enjoy your work and B. you will find a audience.

Think about this. It is nobody’s job but yours to be you. So don’t ask everyone “Do you think this is too much, or too boring, or too confusing or too anything. Who am I saying this to?  Me.

Opinionated people a blessing to me. I know where they stand. I can know how they think and maybe they will share why they think that way. We all have reasons for thinking the way we do.  I used to think one way about everything. It made sense to me given what I knew. Now I think another way because I got more information.

It says in proverbs “a way seems right to a man until he hears the other side.”  I used to not care a lick about anything spiritual because I didn’t know anyone who thought that way. Nobody talked about that stuff so I thought well it must not be important. But now I think it is important and nobody talks about it because it might be important and they do not want that to be true so it is easier to not look at it. If you don’t look then it is not real.

That is what happened to me.   Thirty years ago, someone told me a story about how they changed, so I thought, “Maybe this is real and I am afraid to look there. What if it is true? What if I am wrong about God not being relevant to me? What if I go to hell?” I thought that. Then I asked God to prove it to me.

I just looked a little in that direction just in case I was totally wrong. I thought man the stakes are pretty high if I am wrong. They actually couldn’t get much higher. I thought God was just something floaty and maybe there. I did not understand about how someone else had to make it possible to directly talk to Him. Jesus was just freak talk. It is okay to talk God but don’t say Jesus because that is when you go over the deep end. I did not know anyone who gave any importance to Jesus. I knew nothing except he died on a cross for some reason which seems pretty pathetic to me. I thought he sure did not die for me so what is al the brouhaha about. That is what I thought because that was my experience. I did not know that Jesus was the link. pretty much the missing link.

So I said,  “if you are real, show me.” I said this to God. And  then I was afraid He would.  I was afraid that if it was true about Jesus then I would have to be a freak. and everyone would reject me as a freak and I would have no love. But then again I thought what if it is true and I am wrong then who cares if everyone rejects me. In the end ( which is pretty important) in the end I will be right and safe.

So I gingerly said ok if you are real show me.  Then it was as if I was falling over a waterfall. I am not kidding. It felt like that. in a good way. Then I was not afraid anymore. It was like what was I afraid of. He is not scary. He is the sweetest thing you could ever experience.

But I am an artist and I was afraid I would have to paint religious paintings then on and I would be weird. But He is not like that. He made me paint how I paint and every painting I do is a gift from HIm so really nothing I paint is not ok. He changed me inside forever so it is ok to just be. I am an artist, This is how I think and this is what you call a testimony. It is just what happened to me.

The big painting I am going to start next week will be a dinner party with a twist. Each person in the party will be symbolic of something I need right now in my life. Each person will have a totally double meaning. 36 bodies will vie for attention at the party. Everyone I ever knew or wanted to know will be there. Only they won’t just be people. And on the table will be things that have helped me live in the past.

I am going to write a book as I paint the painting and it will be a big book that will be for children and adults to help them see better. This painting will be instructional and it is painting itself in my mind as I even write this. I see this as the most important work I have ever started and I am giving it my full concentration so I will do it in “the silence.” I think this painting is what I was born to do and it is what every year of my life so far has lead up to. This will be my crescendo. this is it and it got born in a hot tub on Vashon Island at 10:30 at night. It gives me the willies just thinking about it.

I was watching a documentary about Thomas Hart Benton. He actually died after he finished a mural. He signed it and died. That is what life should be. Do it , sign it and die.

With that in mind a library of stuff would be great. Everybody needs things only for a few hours really then they are done with it. I would lend out all my china and good silver and furniture to anyone who needed them for a few hours. They lend art out . Keep it in your house for a few months and then give it back and get something new.

This is not very good for the economy but it would be good for the rental business. And everybody could have a better lifestyle if only for a few hours. This idea may seem wacky but every idea at first seems crazy till you refine it and then you might be onto something.

illustration by this guy

There is a scene in “Enchanted April,” where Milush is upset that Lottie spent money on fresh flowers for the table. He says it is extravagant and not a good use of their money. She looks crestfallen and then decides to go away on vacation without him. This illustrates how important a fresh vase of flowers is.

It is not just flowers, It is everything striving to be beautiful in this world. It is an assault against just getting by and LIVING! Even if you have only one small room to live in…PUT FRESH FLOWERS OUT AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE.  They are everything you need to realize that life is so short and fragile and gone in a minute. Just like the flowers.

Is that important to think about? YES!

Yikes, I have to answer yes. I feel validated and that is where the trap is. A little success goes a long way is wrecking you. It makes you lazy and you stop trying so hard as when you had before you had any success.

I remember what Kirk Douglas said. “The best time in my life was when I had nothing but a dream.”
Once you get the dream you can’t relax and say oh now its is done. Nothing is done till you are dead. then you are done. You should keep getting higher and higher and better and better. Nominal success is really nominal and if you stay there to long it is dangerous. You lose your edge.

I was thinking how much we mentally invade someones else’s space every day with our lives. Personally I enjoy letting people in and spending time with them. the only time I don’t like it is if they barge in. Then I recoil and want them to leave. The only thing that is different between someone asking to come in and someone barging in is their attitude. If you act like you are knocking on the door I will open it but if you just walk in, forget it. Mental door slams shut. Not only mental door emotional door heart door and every important door shuts. I am sure I have barged into someone’s space before without knocking but I try not to.

Here in this blog, the door is wide open. Tell me everything. the door is open, come in.

The first time I painted I did big globs of paint all over the boards and let them drip all over and smeared them together. I was getting my feet wet. Now I am pretty good at painting a few things but at first I was not. I just had the most fun in the world when was trying. That is how you know if you should try try try again. If you are uncomfortable the whole time doing something, your mind will say ” Get me out of here.”

I was not good at piano and no matter how much a tried I did not get a groove on. My son on the other hand was playing jazz after only a few lessons and going off into his own world and it was amazing to listen to him be him. He was thinking his playing was no big deal but everyone  who was fortunate enough to listen to him play a while was transported into total bliss. He had a way of hearing that I could not hear. He was just a kid but what a glorious kid.

I hate sewing. I feel like I am going to die the whole time I am even by a needle and thread. My friend is so at home working with material and threads and needles and machines that she does that for her main job. So if you want to know if you should do something. Your body will tell you.

photo by this person.